I’m eating Girl Scout Cookies…and, I really don’t even feel bad about it.
Now, you may eat Girl Scout Cookies all the time, and, if so, I salute you. Me? Well, we BUY lots of Girl Scout Cookies because little people in our family that we love sell them, but I try not to eat that many. You know, sugar and all. But today is different…
Today is a hard day and I’m feeling a little down. You know, one of those days where you just have a hard time not wanting to get back in the bed and pull the covers over your head. What’s going on, you ask? Well, I guess a few things: trying to make some life changes that seem so hard, trying to navigate around obstacles in the way of a new career; but, mostly, I lost a friend.
I lost a friend to cancer last weekend and we laid her to rest today. She was a fighter whose faith never wavered, but was ultimately sold out by her body. Physical death, such terrible business, huh? And so many of us prayed, believed, and prayed some more, for three years, that she would be healed and beat this dreaded disease. And, I guess in the end, she received the ULTIMATE healing, since I believe she is standing in the presence of God as I’m writing this – whole, happy and completely pain-free. I’m honestly a little jealous.
While I am so happy knowing she is free of cancer, I am still sad. And, I have questions. You know what I’m talking about – that “list” you have of all the things you’re going to ask God when you get to heaven, except then, it really won’t matter? Yeah, I’m kinda going over that list today. Ugh.
And, you know, this isn’t the first time I’ve had questions. Nope. Not my first rodeo, as we Texans say, but still as grueling, still as painful, still as disheartening. I mean, healing is such an enigma, such a puzzle. I can’t make heads or tails of it. So, why not my friend? What happened? What didn’t happened?
Here’s the thing: I don’t have these answers. In fact, there are lots of answers about God, Christianity and why bad things happen to Believers, that I have no clue about. But more important are the answers that I DO know about God, about this life I live as a Believer. And, here is what I DO know and believe:
I believe that God is good, that He hears our prayers, that He is concerned with every detail of our lives. And, I believe He heals. Yes, even today, I believe He heals people all the time.
Do I wish things had turned out differently and my friend was still here, well and pain-free? Yes, I do. Do I understand why some are healed and others are not? No, I don’t. Is my heart broken for her husband, children, family and friends? Yes, it is. Am I angry at cancer and beyond TIRED of hearing that word and seeing the devastation it brings? Oh, absolutely. But, while these questions will most likely be in my mind for the rest of my physical life, the experiences that I have had with God and the way He has moved in my life, over and over again, trump these questions. Every. Single. Time.
So, I’m choosing to imitate my precious friend. I’m going to keep my eyes on God, even in the midst of the battle and I’m going to be a light in what becomes and a more and more dark world around me. I Corinthians 13:12 says,