Surprises. What are your thoughts about them? Me? I usually love them! I mean, who doesn’t love a surprise gift, a surprise party, surprise chocolate, a surprise visit from a family member or friend…I mean, except on that last one, when your house isn’t up to par. But, generally, I think surprises are great!

Surprises do come in all shapes and sizes, in all aspects of life and I would categorize them in the following way: good surprises, not-so-good surprises, shocking or scary surprises. Examples, you ask? Why, yes, I have a few…

Some good surprises for me include when I turned 50 and my husband started having these conversations with me:

“Hey, if I were to throw you a surprise party for your 50th, who would you want to be there? Can you make me a list? Where would you want it to be? What kind of food would you like?”

OK, so that surprise was not that surprising, but his heart was in the right place. A great surprise for me would be Robert walking through the door with roses, one of the kids coming home unexpectedly, Robert offering to cook dinner, or finding money in the pocket of a jacket, a pair of jeans, or an old purse.

Not-so-good surprises, OK: my alarm not going off and waking up late, a recipe not turning out well when we have company over, leaving a load of clothes in the washer, etc. I think Robert would include his holding hands with an elderly Italian woman in Rome, thinking it was me, as a not-so-good surprise, although I thought it was great!

A few weeks ago I experienced the mother of all not-so-good/shocking/scary surprises and, after a lot of thought and prayer, I decided to share it with all of you.

Many of you know that I’ve been dealing with a condition called pancreatitis for several months. I had a terrible bout with it in early July, was hospitalized for over a week, and have just not bounced back. Pancreatitis is the inflammation of the pancreas and is a very painful condition. It requires eating a very low fat diet and causing “free fall” weight loss. Since July I’ve lost 32 pounds and have mild to severe pain every day. The flare pain feels like a terrible burning high up in your abdomen and spreads around to your back. My daily pain feels like I’ve done a million crunches in a day. My pancreas no longer secretes the enzymes needed to break down food, making my body go into a malnourished state, so I now have to take artificial enzymes every time I eat. Basically, my pancreas doesn’t work anymore. It still secretes insulin, but not the enzymes for the digestion system. Yay. Me.

Back in October, I went to a gastroenterologist, who specializes in disorders of the pancreas. She scheduled a special scan of my pancreas – the best way to actually look at the pancreas – and asked,

“Hey, do you want me to do your routine colonoscopy while you’re under? You’re due for it.”

“Sure,” I said.

So that’s exactly what we did and here comes the surprise: not only did my doctor find an extremely messed up pancreas, but also a 5cm, malignant tumor in my colon.

Surprise, surprise. I have colon cancer.

Yep, colon cancer. I sure didn’t see that coming!

It’s still really weird to hear those words come out of my mouth or to write them down. I mean, of all the things you dream of saying about yourself throughout your life, great things like,

“I got into ________________________________ for college!”

“I got the job!”

“I think I’ve met ‘the one!'”

“I’m engaged! I’m getting married!”

“I’m going to have a baby!”

“I have cancer,” is just not on that list. It’s not something I ever thought I’d say and it’s not something I ever thought I’d have to deal with, yet here I am. Now, my prognosis is good, which I’m so thankful for, but I’m more than likely looking at chemo and radiation – just in time for the holidays. I’m not fearful of dying, first of all, God and I have unfinished business here, so I don’t think it’s my time to go, but even if it was, I’m ready to go! I settled that matter with Jesus many years ago. So, fear is not part of the deal, but I have to admit to having some anxious thoughts. There are still many unanswered questions, like,

“What is it like to have a port put in?”

“How bad will I feel on the treatment?”

“What stage is my cancer? Will I still need surgery?”

And others.

I’ve thought a long time about whether or not to put anything on social media about my illness, but decided that I’d like to keep track of my feelings and thoughts as I journey through this and hopefully others can find encouragement for what they’re going through, too. After all, all of us will go through really hard times at some points in our lives and we need each other to get through them.

I found out I had cancer 3 days before we left for Italy. While we were there, we went to see Michelangelo’s David. As I was looking at this amazingly beautiful sculpture, looking at the stone in his right hand, either just having slain or ready to slay Goliath, the Lord spoke to me and said,

“You have your stone.”

After thinking and praying I realized that my stone is my joy and sense of humor. I love to make others laugh. and to bring encouragement to those who need it, so I thought maybe this “cancer journal,” (wow, doesn’t that sound fun?) would not only benefit me, but others, as well.

So that’s the plan; to find whatever humor and joy I can throughout this crazy season of my life and hopefully bring that to others, too. I’m not sure how often I will journal, but you can find my posts on my website, sherragedgar.com, or my professional Facebook page. If you don’t follow me on either of those sites, please feel free to look me up. I mean, you know you don’t want to miss a post about Sherra and her butt cancer, right? I mean, really? I couldn’t get a respectable cancer, like, cancer of the arm. Oh, no. I have to get butt cancer. And people say God doesn’t have a sense of humor. Lies, all lies!

So, the cat is out of the bag, Friends. I have cancer. But, you know what? This little lady is going to kick cancer to the curb, with God’s help and the help of some very powerful drugs. You know what they say,

Though she be but little, she is fierce!

You know it’s true. I mean, anyone who talks about punching people in the throat as often as I do, must be fierce, right? And on those days when I don’t feel so fierce, God will be fierce for me! I have complete hope and faith in Him.

So, stay tuned; find out what the port is like, how often I get lost in the medical center, how many wrong parking garages I end up in, how pancreatitis and chemo go together, how you pull the holidays off while fighting cancer and so much more!