Hubs-1, Pipes-0

Brrrr, but it’s cold!

Yes, I know it’s winter, but here’s the thing about winter in southeast Texas: WHAT WINTER? Yeah, because normally we don’t have many even slightly cold days in our version of winter, let alone 3 different snows, ice and all that. Case in point: I realized last week that I don’t even know how to work the heater in my car because it hasn’t gotten cold enough to use the heater during the time that I’ve owned my car. Thank God for heated seats.

Anyway, school was called off late last night, so I went to bed looking forward to a day of relaxing, catching up, trying to stay warm and trying NOT to eat all day. But, my day didn’t start off quite they way I planned.

I woke up to the sound of my husband rummaging through something. Nothing unusual about that. R is a morning person, well, actually a night owl, um, let’s just say he doesn’t sleep much. All of his minutes are filled with something constructive. And, me? You can pretty much categorically think the exact opposite of all of that and you’d be correct.

Back to this morning…finally, my alarm went off and R came in and announced that “he had not done a good enough job of winterizing the house, an outside pipe had frozen and we had no water.” Poor guy, his face was filled with shame, as if he’d just committed the unforgivable sin. So, I mumbled something about no big deal, the pipe would melt, etc. etc. etc. But, those words fell on deaf ears because 5 minutes later he was headed off to Wal-Mart to buy something. To redeem himself, I think.

“Here we go,” I thought, unwrapping myself from my cozy flannel sheets and quilt. By the time he got home, I was busy trying to fade into the living room walls, working on my Bible study, when he came in and announced that he was going to try and melt the pipe himself instead of waiting for the temperatures to rise. Uh-huh, OK. The truth is this: R loves this stuff! I mean, obviously he doesn’t want our pipes to burst, but he loves the challenge of trying to repair something, you know, that feeling of victory when that something is repaired. *Sigh…

“Is there something I can do to help you?” I ask, hoping with my whole heart he would say no.

“No, I’m OK, I’m just going to______________________________ (fill in this blank with all sorts of plumbing, construction, electrical engineering, man-speak.)

So, we did this little dance a few more times until finally, R says,

“Hey, I need your help with something.”

Oh. No. This is bad and let me tell you why: because when it comes to doing “projects” together…oh Lord…just think of the 2 most opposite people in the world trying to work together, I mean, isn’t this how wars start? The main trouble is that R is so smart and knows a whole lot about lots of different things. And, he assumes everyone else does too and we should all just know what he’s thinking without him actually saying anything.  Sound familiar, all you wives out there? HE knows what he means, HE knows what he’s trying to say, HE knows what he needs me to do, but me? Normally? Not a clue. Usually, he really just wants me to be about 2-3 steps in front of his instructions and um, I haven’t even put my shoes on yet, get it?

So, here I go, out into the shop off the garage in my fleece PJ pants with owls all over them, big puffy jacket, tennis shoes, mittens and stocking hat. I looked a dream, I tell you. And, what was my job? Well, first it was to listen and look for water when he tried to turn the outside faucet back on. I was supposed to report ANY evidence of ANY water to him immediately, which was why I was on the phone with him during this whole “Hubs vs. the frozen pipe” phase. But, alas, still no water.

Phase 2 of “hubs vs. the pipe,” can only be described as something that would make MacGyver proud. We heated water in the kettle, duck taped a straw to a funnel (no, I am NOT making this up) and now my job was to pour the hot water into the funnel, which was stuck down into the worthless-you-did-nothing-to-protect-the-pipe insulation around the pipe. This phase also moved us outside, so now the entire neighborhood could enjoy my outfit. But, guess what? It worked! The hubs had conquered the frozen pipe! He had beaten winter! He had laughed right in it’s frozen face! Hahahahahahah!

And, after the all important instruction and admonishing phase, showing me the place where the water can be turned completely off and where the tool (that I will NEVER be able to use) is kept to turn said water off, “in case I’m not around,” he took a shower and went to work.

And, I went right back to the couch. And, people say there are no modern-day miracles, ha!